Gottman Relationship Therapy

What is the Gottman method for couples counseling?

Developed by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman after decades of extensive research on thousands of couples, the Gottman Method offers a roadmap for understanding and strengthening your relationship. Unlike some approaches that focus on individual issues within the relationship, the Gottman Method centers on the dynamics between partners and provides practical tools and strategies to foster deeper connection, manage conflict constructively, and build a shared sense of meaning.

At the heart of the Gottman Method is the understanding of what makes relationships work and what makes them fail. Through their meticulous research, the Gottmans identified the "Nine Components of the Sound Relationship House," a framework that outlines the key elements of a healthy and thriving partnership. These components serve as the foundation for the therapeutic work and provide a clear path for growth.

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What is the Sound Relationship House is Gottman Method?

The foundation of the Sound Relationship House is Building Love Maps. This involves truly knowing your partner's inner world – their hopes, dreams, fears, stressors, and values. It's about cultivating curiosity and regularly checking in with each other to stay attuned to what's important in their life. Therapy will help you develop rituals and practices to deepen this understanding.

The next level focuses on Sharing Fondness and Admiration. This involves expressing appreciation and positive regard for your partner. When couples have a strong foundation of fondness and admiration, they are better equipped to weather difficult times. Therapy will help you rediscover and express the positive feelings you have for each other.

Moving up, Turning Towards Instead of Away refers to how partners respond to each other's bids for connection, whether it's a request for help, a shared observation, or a moment of emotional vulnerability. Consistently turning towards each other strengthens the emotional bond. Therapy will help you become more aware of these bids and learn to respond in ways that build connection.

The fourth level addresses The Positive Perspective. When the first three levels of the Sound Relationship House are strong, couples tend to view their partner and their relationship more positively, even during conflict. This positive sentiment override makes it easier to navigate disagreements. Therapy aims to foster this positive perspective.

The next two levels focus on managing conflict: Managing Conflict and Overcoming Gridlock. The Gottman Method recognizes that conflict is a natural part of any relationship. The goal isn't to eliminate conflict but to manage it in healthy ways that minimize harm and promote understanding. Therapy provides tools for identifying perpetual problems (ongoing issues rooted in personality differences or fundamental values) and solvable problems (situational issues that can be resolved through compromise). You'll learn skills for effective communication during conflict, such as using "I" statements, expressing needs clearly, and actively listening to your partner's perspective. For perpetual problems, the focus shifts to understanding and accepting each other's differences and finding ways to dialogue about them without getting stuck in gridlock.

The final two levels focus on shared meaning and legacy: Making Life Dreams Come True and Creating Shared Meaning. This involves supporting each other's individual goals and aspirations and building a shared vision for your life together, including rituals, traditions, and values that are meaningful to both of you. Therapy can help you explore your individual and shared dreams and create a stronger sense of purpose as a couple.

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What can I expect to learn in couples therapy?

In Gottman Couples Therapy, your therapist will act as a guide, helping you and your partner to:

Assess your relationship strengths and challenges: Through questionnaires and observations, your therapist will gain a comprehensive understanding of your relationship dynamics.
Learn specific communication and conflict management skills: You'll be taught practical techniques to improve how you talk to each other, express your needs, and navigate disagreements constructively.
Increase intimacy and connection: Therapy will help you deepen your emotional and physical intimacy through exercises and discussions focused on building love maps, fondness, and turning towards.
Heal past hurts and build trust: If there have been betrayals or significant hurts in the relationship, the Gottman Method provides a framework for working through these issues and rebuilding trust.
Identify and address perpetual problems: You'll learn to understand the underlying dynamics of your ongoing conflicts and develop strategies for managing them effectively.
Create shared goals and meaning: Therapy will help you align your individual dreams and build a shared vision for your future together.

The Gottman Method is not about assigning blame or telling you who is right or wrong. Instead, it focuses on helping you understand the patterns in your relationship and develop the skills to create a more satisfying and fulfilling partnership. It's an approach that emphasizes collaboration, empathy, and a commitment to working together

Can therapy really help my relationship?

Yes!

If you and your partner are ready to invest in strengthening your relationship and learning practical, research-based strategies for navigating its challenges, Gottman Couples Therapy could provide the guidance and support you need to build a more resilient and loving connection. It offers a hopeful and empowering path towards a more fulfilling partnership.